|  Author | Topic: sorrow and regret (Read 312 times) |
Zanuke
Tyaro Lake*
- Alpha male
member is offline
walking the fine line
Joined: Aug 2005
Gender: Male 
Posts: 35
Location: Tyaro Lake
|  | sorrow and regret
« Thread Started on Aug 13, 2005, 10:58pm » | |
The air was crisp, calm... silent. Nature itself seemed to mourn Zanuke's thoughts, pleading with him to reconsider. Begging him to forgive... to forget... to move on. But he couldn't. He couldn't. The back of mind knawed at his consciousness, demanding his attention. No matter how hard he tried, he could feel the guilt in his head. Like a weight... a very... heavy weight upon him. A burden. Tremendously large... He couldn't forget it, couldn't move past it. Zanuke didn't deserve to be free of it. He didn't deserve anything but to suffer under it, and still he thought of ways to escape it... Taking his steps slowly, deliberately, the alpha moved carefully toward the creek. It's rushing rapids made him wince, picturing their pace moving his body... lifeless... taking him with it's rush to the far ends of the earth... The guilt was to much. Amaari's pain was his fault... He couldn't stop Endre, he could help Amaari... he was useless. He couldn't even protect his pack... They didn't deserve a leader so undecided, so worthless... Taking a deep breath, the wolf stepped upon the large outcropping. It was a low cliff, looking down upon Alkala Creek with a sinister height. Closing his eyes and taking a deep breath, Zanuke stepped forward, hoping that one of the rocks below him would knock him into unconsciousness so that he wouldn't have to know the pain of drowning...
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the last living soul |
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Amaari
Morrow Fields*
- Alpha female
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Joined: Aug 2005
Gender: Female 
Posts: 51
Location: Morrow Fields
| | Re: sorrow and regret
« Reply #1 on Aug 14, 2005, 12:53am » | |
masquerading
Amaari had been skittish since her... incident with Endre. She couldn't help but fear him, couldn't help but feel so vulnerable. The fae knew she had to be strong, for her pack if nothing else, but the hopelessness of their battle and the wicked cruelty Endre had done to her made her shudder. The new life inside her belly was a constant reminder of the evil alpha. She wanted the little demons inside of her gone, but she hadn't the guts to destroy them herself.
Taking a deep sigh and putting her troubles aside, Amaari let her eyes linger over the forest. It was so beautiful... green... perfect. The river-like creek flowing through its center, adding the sunlight's glint to even the darkest colored shadow. She loved it here by the creek. Closing her eyes, the femme let the wind rustle her hair, feeling it tug gently at her fur, stroking her ears like a human would if she had ever been a pet. It felt good.
Smiling as she let her troubles drift away on the wind, the alphess glanced around her. She caught the scent of another on the wind... a familiar scent. Zanuke? Stepping lightly over the earth with a feminine grace, it wasn't long before the fae came upon the sight of Zanuke perched on the low cliff, about to jump. Her heart caught in her throat as Amaari watched, hoping desperately he wouldn't... "ZANUKE!" She cried, starting toward him at a fast run. She hoped she would catch up to him in time, hoped he wouldn't jump, hoped he was sensible enough to wait for her.
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with understanding come to know
what laughing lips will never show
how pain and torturing distress
can masquerade as happiness |
|
Zanuke
Tyaro Lake*
- Alpha male
member is offline
walking the fine line
Joined: Aug 2005
Gender: Male
Posts: 35
Location: Tyaro Lake
| | Re: sorrow and regret
« Reply #2 on Aug 14, 2005, 10:29am » | |
[[ Hey, thanks for the help last night! Telling me how to change the font size and stuff...  ]]
Zanuke heard his name being called, and looked up to see Amaari running toward him. Desperate for him to stop. Almost as if she didn't blame him for her pain. Almost. The alpha couldn't help but sigh. Amaari was his friend... he couldn't do this right in front of her eyes... no matter how much he deserved it. No matter how much he imagined she would be pleased to see him gone...
"Please go away, Amaari."
He said coldly, making himself angry so he could send her away without a second regret. This was his choice, she had no right to stop him. She had no right to talk him out of it... Unless she didn't want to...? A thought flashed in Zanuke's mind that maybe she only wanted a better seat to the death of the one that had caused her so much agony. It had been he who told Endre where she was that day... after all...
"I'm sorry!"
He yelled, cursing as he leapt from his perch, aiming for the boulders jutting out of the river below. It almost felt like he could fly, for a moment... he wondered if he would ever hit the ground, if they wind wouldn't take him up and carry him away... but then gravity kicked in and the alpha felt himself being hurled into the waters, the cold chill seeping through his bones. Fortunately he had missed the rocks, but as Zanuke sank into the waves, he realized that he had never really been a good swimmer...
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the last living soul |
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Amaari
Morrow Fields*
- Alpha female
member is offline
Joined: Aug 2005
Gender: Female
Posts: 51
Location: Morrow Fields
| | Re: sorrow and regret
« Reply #3 on Aug 14, 2005, 6:44pm » | |
ooc: No problem. 
masquerading
Amaari felt her heart leap as Zanuke told her to go away. It was beyond her comprehesion that he could tell her do such a thing. She knew he was prepared to jump, knew in her mind that he would jump. And yet there he stood, telling her to go away. As if she didn't matter, as if the effects of his suicide would not be as devastating for her as it would for his pack. Anger and pity fueled her frantic hurry and Amaari realized that if she could only catch him, Zanuke would be lucky if she didn't push him off the cliff herself!
"Don't you dare!" She screached, watching him. Her legs were moving as fast as she could force them, but still it seemed that she was only crawling. And then... with an apology the alpha of Tyaro Lake let himself topple over the edge, falling to his death below. Amaari couldn't hold back her howl. She changed her direction so quickly that she almost lost her footing. To the creek's edge. She had to make it to the creek's edge. Had to catch him. Had to find him!
Splashing into the water, panicked and frantic, breathing hard, the silver coated fae searched the waves for her friend. He had come down so fast... had he hit a rock? Oh gods... please no. She prayed over and over to herself, running in the shallows until at last she caught sight of the brute, sliding beneath the water's surface. Without even thinking, Amaari plunged into the river after him, swimming to it's center, trying to catch hold of Zanuke. And then... at last! Reaching out with her muzzle, the fae clamped her fangs around Zanuke's scruff. She didn't know if he was conscious or not, alive... or not... but she would pull him to safety anyway. She would pull him to safety. She would make sure he lived or else kill him herself.
|
with understanding come to know
what laughing lips will never show
how pain and torturing distress
can masquerade as happiness |
|
Zanuke
Tyaro Lake*
- Alpha male
member is offline
walking the fine line
Joined: Aug 2005
Gender: Male
Posts: 35
Location: Tyaro Lake
| | Re: sorrow and regret
« Reply #4 on Aug 17, 2005, 6:59pm » | |
The world was muffled, fractured in every way imaginable as the alpha was pulled beneath the waves. He could feel the cold chill of death run down his spine, but instinct took over before he could reside in his fate. Battling the current, the brute tried to reach the surface. The torn, tattered, devastated surface... but it was so far away... Zanuke kept sliding deeper, no matter how hard he tried to fight it. I'm sorry... He thought, finally convincing his flailing limbs to stop. Finally allowing himself to sink, motionless, into the current...
And then, suddenly, he felt jaws on his neck. He thrashed, trying to get free. Everything was happening so fast, he didn't understand, couldn't comprehend what it was that had hold of him, but it yanked him to surface anyway. Breaking the water above his head like glass, and letting the air rush to Zanuke in great upheavals of gratitude.
The alpha tried to help his rescuer, but at the same time he felt as thought danger - death - had him by the neck instead of his friend. Frantic, the wolf craned his head, trying to see who had him. Only then did shame rush upon Zanuke as quickly as had the water. His eyes grew softer as he realized Amaari was risking her life for him... He couldn't understand why she was doing what she was doing, but he felt a tremendous relief inside his gut. Had she forgiven him? Surely he didn't deserve it... maybe... Zanuke struggled, trying to hold himself above the water as he reasoned Amaari's mercy.
"I'm sorry..."
He choked, coughing up water as he spoke, his words cut short by the current rapidly dragging them downriver.
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the last living soul |
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Amaari
Morrow Fields*
- Alpha female
member is offline
Joined: Aug 2005
Gender: Female
Posts: 51
Location: Morrow Fields
| | Re: sorrow and regret
« Reply #5 on Aug 17, 2005, 10:14pm » | |
masquerading
The water was strong, Amaari realized. As Zanuke thrashed about, fighting her grip, she felt the weight of his body, as well as her own being tugged down the river that had been inappropiately called a creek. Settle down, she wanted to say to him, but a mouth full of fur prevented her from even saying a word. This is going to be a hard battle... She thought sourly, glancing at the shore that seemed so far away. Kicking with all of her strength, the fae fought the current as surely as she fought to keep a hold on Zanuke.
She wouldn't let him die. She wouldn't.
No matter what he said, what he did, Amaari would not let the alpha die. And to prove it, she began to fight the rapids harder. Inch by painful inch she was moving herself and Zanuke toward the shallows. When he turned and saw her, Amaari felt a sigh of relief escape her maw. The alpha's assistance was evident from then on, and together the two wolves managed to slowly, ever so slowly, move into the safe waters of the river's edge. Sopping wet, and exhausted beyond comprehension, Amaari pulled Zanuke onto the land, dropping him rather roughly into the sand.
"You... are an... idiot." She panted, barely able to get the words out. Her anger was gone by now, replaced by confusion, by sympathy. She didn't understand why Zanuke had tried to kill himself. He felt guilty for a reason Amaari was not aware of. But... she could hardly let the thoughts pass her mind. So... tired.. She gasped, finally giving in and letting herself collapse into the sand dunes of Alkala Creek's shallows.
|
with understanding come to know
what laughing lips will never show
how pain and torturing distress
can masquerade as happiness |
|
Zanuke
Tyaro Lake*
- Alpha male
member is offline
walking the fine line
Joined: Aug 2005
Gender: Male
Posts: 35
Location: Tyaro Lake
| | Re: sorrow and regret
« Reply #6 on Aug 18, 2005, 9:33pm » | |
Zanuke fought with every breath in his body. While he was capable of taking his own life, Zanuke would not be responsible for causing Amaari more pain. He would not let her be swept downstream with him while trying to save his life. That was his determination. It was what kept him paddling, even though his fear of water had for a long time kept him from ever entering into it. How ironic, he thought, the alpha of a region dominated by a lake is afraid of the water and thus tries to kill himself in it...
Oh... life was so merciless. But... slowly, and with Amaari's great help, the two wolves managed to grasp the shoreline. They were both soaked to the bone, and Zanuke felt the chill air seeping into his skin, making him shiver in irritating coldness. He didn't want to look up. He didn't want to face Amaari. Instinct screamed at him to walk away, but he couldn't. Raising his eyes, ever so slowly, to meet the alphess's own, Zanuke tried to convey his sorrow to her. His guilt. The incredibly imposing weight of the guilt he felt.
"I'm sorry..."
He said again, for the third time in a row. But it seemed she never heard it. The male watched as a dizzy look came into Amaari's eyes, and then she fell. Surprise and worry registered on the alpha's face as he rushed to her side, desperate for her to awaken. Had the swim been to much? Endre had hurt her so badly... Oh gods, why had he done what he'd done? Oh gods... Zanuke felt a tear slide through his already wet cheek fur. He nudged Amaari's head, trying to get her to awaken.
Amaari?"
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the last living soul |
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Amaari
Morrow Fields*
- Alpha female
member is offline
Joined: Aug 2005
Gender: Female
Posts: 51
Location: Morrow Fields
| | Re: sorrow and regret
« Reply #7 on Aug 19, 2005, 10:45pm » | |
masquerading
She was so exhausted. So tired, so pained and stressed. The injury to her leg had not entirely healed, and the agressive swim had certainly taken it's toll. That... and the stinging pain in her gut of protesting puppies added to the elements of stress she had been under. The war, being captured, facing Endre... alone... so alone... Maybe it was her mind that caused the faint, maybe the exhaustion itself, either way Amaari was out for a good moment before the light began to return. She felt relieved, mostly, as she opened her eyes.
The world was the same, but for a second or two she had been able to leave it all behind her. To forget. To forgive. To move on and dream like she had been able to as a puppy... And then the alphess saw Zanuke, hovering over her like a worried hen. The events of the days rushed back to her, and with an irritated growl, the fem gave Zanuke a good smack across the face. Suicide! How idiotic was this wolf? How utterly selfish. Cruel and despisable...
Pulling herself to all fours, the fae glared at Zanuke. He had tried to kill himself, right in front of her! Her anger was all that registered on her face, but her eyes cried with anguish for him. His pain was her pain, and it hurt so bad to see him like he was. What exactly had caused him to lose hope? "You tried to kill yourself..." She whispered, ears falling back against her head. Her eyes pleaded with him for an explanation. However painful it might be to hear, she wanted him to be honest. To tell her what had troubled him so much that he felt he had to make everything go away.
|
with understanding come to know
what laughing lips will never show
how pain and torturing distress
can masquerade as happiness |
|
Zanuke
Tyaro Lake*
- Alpha male
member is offline
walking the fine line
Joined: Aug 2005
Gender: Male
Posts: 35
Location: Tyaro Lake
| | Re: sorrow and regret
« Reply #8 on Aug 22, 2005, 6:42pm » | |
Zanuke felt a wave of relief hit him as he saw his friend's eyes flutter open. For a moment, she too, appeard relieved. He didn't know why, but the brute assumed it was due to her awakening. If he had fainted in such a way, Zanuke would have been grateful to be given the chance to wake up once more. Or would I... He thought silently, his thoughts returning to himself, the guilt pressing itself upon his shoulders, forcing him beneath it's inescapable grasp.
And then, suddenly, smack! Zanuke felt the stinging lash, and in his surprise he let ot a low rumble of anguish. A penetrating growl in Amaari's direction. But then he remembered that he deserved the blow, and so fell quiet, unable to look the other leader in the eyes. In his mind, Zanuke was unworthy of this alphess's presence. She had saved him even after what he'd done. There was no way to expect forgiveness for his crime, and yet she had given it.
"I'm sorry, Amaari. It was my fault Endre found you."
He admitted silently, closing his eyes and hanging his head. The slap she had given him still stung across his face, but the injury wasn't serious, nor was it bleeding. Simply another bruise to add to his beaten body.
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the last living soul |
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Amaari
Morrow Fields*
- Alpha female
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Joined: Aug 2005
Gender: Female
Posts: 51
Location: Morrow Fields
| | Re: sorrow and regret
« Reply #9 on Aug 24, 2005, 6:25pm » | |
masquerading
The fae watched Zanuke carefully, recognizing the pain in his eyes as that of guilt. The fact he couldn't look directly at her made Amaari tense immediately. Just... what was he feeling guilty about? Did she really want to hear it? Zanuke was her friend, he had always been there... rpotecting her, befriending her, assisting her. She didn't want to know what it was that he had done, didn't understand what could be so bad that he felt he had to go kill himself...
And then he said it. The alphess caught her breath, staring hard into his face, trying to discern the lie she knew he had to be telling. It was a lie. It... it didn't matter. If he had told Endre where she was, Zanuke must have had good reason. The mascu wouldn't have purposely let harm come to the fae. She smiled, gently leaning forward to playfully poke the other with a paw. Amaari could forgive him. There were things she... probably didn't know. That Zanuke had left out. Maybe he'd been tricked into telling his brother where she was, or maybe... maybe they had hurt him. Forced him to talk. She couldn't be mad for that.
"It's okay, Zanuke." She said, pulling herself to her paws and then sitting next to him. She nudged him with her muzzle, holding her head beneath his chin in a comforting, wolfish hug. Lovingly, not in a romance way, but in a brother-sisterly way. A friendly way. She didn't want to hear his story, and didn't care what had happened. His worry for her when she'd fainted was enough to convince the alphess that he did care. And the fact he had tried to punish himself by suicide only added to the fact that he regretted his actions.
|
with understanding come to know
what laughing lips will never show
how pain and torturing distress
can masquerade as happiness |
|
Zanuke
Tyaro Lake*
- Alpha male
member is offline
walking the fine line
Joined: Aug 2005
Gender: Male
Posts: 35
Location: Tyaro Lake
| | Re: sorrow and regret
« Reply #10 on Aug 25, 2005, 5:59pm » | |
Her words hit him like a passing truck, striking the wolf directly in the heart, making him mourn for her, for his own actions. Zanuke hadn't wanted to tell, he'd known Endre's intent, but the evil mascu was his brother... As much as he hated Endre for what he'd done to Amaari, Endre had always been good to the Tyaro alpha. There had even been a time when the Sahaal leader had saved the brute's life. And debts like that were not easy to forget, even if had been repaid.
As the fae moved closer, embracing Zanuke by slipping her head beneath his chin, the male felt himself tense up. He could understand Endre' infatuation. Maybe... he could even understand the drive his brother felt to hurt... Zanuke was part of it too, the legacy of the brothers born from evil. But... the wolf couldn't imagine himself hurting such a gentle, angellic creature. She had forgiven him, and that alone was worth Zanuke's respect. His love. His life. He was in her debt, and in all matters not concerning his brother, Amaari had his loyalty. However... Endre was still his sibling. His blood. The only family Zanuke had left.
He knew the she-wolf wanted his alliance, his friendship, but right now, Zanuke just couldn't give it. The thought made him feel even more guilty, and with a sorrowed whimper, the alpha pulled away from the fae's touch. He didn't deserve her friendship, and certainly didn't deserve her forgivness. His eyes relayed the thought, and, laying his ears back against his skull, the male stood to leave.
"I don't deserve your kindness, Amaari. Things would be easier if you hated me."
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the last living soul |
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Amaari
Morrow Fields*
- Alpha female
member is offline
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Gender: Female
Posts: 51
Location: Morrow Fields
| | Re: sorrow and regret
« Reply #11 on Aug 29, 2005, 8:16pm » | |
masquerading
Amaari was beginning to feel like she belonged there, with Zanuke, comforting him, touching him. But just as suddenly as the feeling had emerged, it was gone when he pulled away. The cold shock of things hadn't really had time to settle in, and his words for a moment only added to her confusion. She tried to read his face, but there seemed to be nothing but pain. Regret. Sorrow. The alphess lowered her ears, her head falling nearer her chest, tail drooping as she watched him turn away. Zanuke could be such a fool sometimes...
"Things are never easy, Zanuke" She explained, to full of pity and grief to even work up the anger she knew she should be feeling. The brute was walking away, ignoring her forgivness like an anxious puppy. Why couldn't males be more responsible? More... intelligent? She snorted, finally, and ran to catch up with him. Things weren't going to end like this. He was her friend. No matter the war, no matter their packs, this was - for now - between them. Only them. "You're a fool if you walk away. You are my friend, someone so close to me that you can't realize how much it hurts when you say what you say. When you try to end your own life and leave me here."
She explained, her words angry, but her tone a dying note. She wasn't mad, but the sorrow in face made it look like she could cry. Zanuke's stubborness outweighed her own determination. This war was stressing enough, she didn't need him going off, trying to die in peace and abandon his pack. Abandon her. "If you die, Zanuke, then I will kill myself as well." She threatened, her expression completely serious. Let him try to ignore her now...
|
with understanding come to know
what laughing lips will never show
how pain and torturing distress
can masquerade as happiness |
|
Zanuke
Tyaro Lake*
- Alpha male
member is offline
walking the fine line
Joined: Aug 2005
Gender: Male
Posts: 35
Location: Tyaro Lake
| | Re: sorrow and regret
« Reply #12 on Sept 2, 2005, 9:18pm » | |
The Tyaro alpha paused, one paw suspended in the air as her last words pierced his thoughts. Was that a promise? Or an empty threat? Zanuke could feel his heart begin to race, his mind trying to calm his anger. How could she say that? Everything that witless fae had, and she would give it up on him? What kind of fool was she? The mascu swiveled, turning back to glare angrily upon the fem. His eyes held no apology now, the glimmer had been replaced by the cold, angry look of disapproval. For a moment, he couldn't even speak, only look at her. Study her determined stare, imagine her confusiong, her own problems in life.
"You would be stupid, Amaari, to throw away your future on me. You don't think Endre worth your glance, but I have news for your inable mind: he his my brother. We're blood. More than you and I could ever be together." His words were spat out, tinged with rage. She was so beautiful, so pure and sincere, and here she was threating to take her own life. It was okay for Zanuke to do it, but for her? A demon could only do the world a favor by ending his existence, she would be damning the earth in ending her own. God would never have pity on the reality that made such a perfect creature want to die.
Such a perfect creature... Zanuke shook his head, momentarily breaking eye contact before returning with a softer, more understanding glance. "You don't know what a blessing you are to this dreary land. The last ray of hope in the consuming darkness... Amaari, no matter what happens to me, you cannot die. I won't let you." He explained, his words starting as a whisper and ending in a determined, no-argument-allowed voice. His eyes watched hers, staring into her depths, observing her kind-hearted soul.
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the last living soul |
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Endre
Sahaal Forest*
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| | Re: sorrow and regret
« Reply #13 on Sept 20, 2005, 8:57am » | |
ooc: Uh... Are you guys done with this thread?
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I'd rather be a free man in my grave
Than living as a puppet or a slave |
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Zanuke
Tyaro Lake*
- Alpha male
member is offline
walking the fine line
Joined: Aug 2005
Gender: Male
Posts: 35
Location: Tyaro Lake
| | Re: sorrow and regret
« Reply #14 on Sept 25, 2005, 3:42pm » | |
ooc: Oops! Sorry, I just saw this. Yeah, we're done. We finished the rest of it in messenger. 
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